Written sometime in 2011 about a year after a treasured friendship was lost...
I just dug up my old journals and the person I am today is not the same person who wrote this in 2011. However, I understand the usefulness of this writing. It illustrates how much we can grow and change if we care to look and try...
I was ruminating about how I could have been so misunderstood by the one person who was supposed to be the closest one to me. She was supposed to see the good in me. The easy answer is that she never really saw me at all. Now that I have taken the time to get to know myself I finally realize she wasn't the only person who didn't see me, in fact, I was barely able to see myself. I gave her a doctored version of myself, the one I gave everyone in order to feel accepted.
There was a real and true light inside me, and I failed to project it to the world. I hid inside, where I repeated the thoughts that no-one else heard. I let other people's energy come in, and take over who I was, I didn't want to be the other people but I was too afraid to be myself.
I have since come to know myself, that who I am is someone pure, and true. I will no longer hurt myself by trying to prove my worth. What she believes is her reality, and I'm on the outside of that. I am in my own reality now and I can see that it is full of light and love. No one needs to know but me, and the spirit all around me.