I have been trying to find myself for a very long time. I was never one of those lucky few who knew what they wanted to do with their lives. It amazes me, and I admit creates envy in me to hear of my husband's story of how he decided to be an engineer.
The recruiter for TUNS (Technical University of Nova Scotia) came to the school and presented on a career in engineering. Jason stood up and pointed and said, "Hark, there, that's it, that's what I shall be." Okay, he didn't actually stand up and announce it, he probably just noted quietly in his well-behaved head. And he didn't speak like he was from medieval times, either. Totally made up.
And me, well, not a lot of subjects came especially easy to me in school. What I did know, however, was that I was a dreamer.
I was told that many times as a child, and without admiration;
dreaming was a not a thing I should be doing.
I remember clearly my second and third grade teacher, Mrs. Molson, who bore an astonishingly close resemblance to Ronald McDonald, did not think my creativity as a positive trait when I drew some mighty fine chalk drawings on the exterior brick of the school.
I can still hear her chastising me in front of the entire class. This was especially disconcerting to me as I believed that Ronald McDonald seemed like a pretty decent guy from the commercials, and Mrs. Molson wasn't living up to her image.
I felt that school was created to benefit the left-brained. Those people who were astute in the hard sciences were depicted as the "smart" kids. I know people from my high school that are amazingly gifted artists just now beginning to reap the benefits of their true self coming to light.
Besides my immediate family, those people who were in my life for guidance in my high school years assured me that what I wanted was not something that was reasonable, mainly meaning lucrative.
In other words, creative people be damned. Success was for the left-brained.
Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant = Success
Artist, Musician, Circus performer = One day living in a cardboard box.
Hello? Ever heard of Cirque de Soleil?
I might have also played too many games of MASH when I was growing up that ended with me picking the shack, and it damaged my belief in a successful life.
If you have no idea what MASH is, you were definitely not a child of the 80's, it's okay...
Check it out...
For some crazy reason, I went in the direction of Psychology, with emphasis in Neuroscience. Far enough removed from the harder sciences, but not enough that it may land me in a shack somewhere eating beans out of a can with only a hole cut out because I didn't own a proper can opener (I actually eat beans from the can, they are really good. Especially BUSH's, which I open with a fully functioning can opener).
I never actually ended up working in the Neuroscience field, but somehow, through some great plan of the universe, I am now using my knowledge in Psychology and Consciousness specifically to write my novel. And I may actually use it in the future...
The moral of the story is this, that if you are meant to be creative in whatever medium, you cannot outrun your true nature. Your soul will scream to be acknowledged. You are who you are. That and you should really eat the beans, they are fantastic.