Right-brained Girl in a Left-brained World

I have been trying to find myself for a very long time. I was never one of those lucky few who knew what they wanted to do with their lives. It amazes me, and I admit creates envy in me to hear of my husband's story of how he decided to be an engineer. 

The recruiter for TUNS (Technical University of Nova Scotia) came to the school and presented on a career in engineering. Jason stood up and pointed and said, "Hark, there, that's it, that's what I shall be." Okay, he didn't actually stand up and announce it, he probably just noted quietly in his well-behaved head. And he didn't speak like he was from medieval times, either. Totally made up.

And me, well, not a lot of subjects came especially easy to me in school. What I did know, however, was that I was a dreamer.
I was told that many times as a child, and without admiration; 

dreaming was a not a thing I should be doing.

Photo Credit 

I remember clearly my second and third grade teacher, Mrs. Molson, who bore an astonishingly close resemblance to Ronald McDonald, did not think my creativity as a positive trait when I drew some mighty fine chalk drawings on the exterior brick of the school.

I can still hear her chastising me in front of the entire class. This was especially disconcerting to me as I believed that Ronald McDonald seemed like a pretty decent guy from the commercials, and Mrs. Molson wasn't living up to her image.

Though misguided, the true me was practically begging for expression. 

I felt that school was created to benefit the left-brained. Those people who were astute in the hard sciences were depicted as the "smart" kids. I know people from my high school that are amazingly gifted artists just now beginning to reap the benefits of their true self coming to light.

Photo Credit

Besides my immediate family, those people who were in my life for guidance in my high school years assured me that what I wanted was not something that was reasonable, mainly meaning lucrative. 

In other words, creative people be damned. Success was for the left-brained. 

Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant = Success

Artist, Musician, Circus performer = One day living in a cardboard box. 

Hello? Ever heard of Cirque de Soleil? 

I might have also played too many games of MASH when I was growing up that ended with me picking the shack, and it damaged my belief in a successful life. 

If you have no idea what MASH is, you were definitely not a child of the 80's, it's okay... 

Check it out...

M.A.S.H

For some crazy reason, I went in the direction of Psychology, with emphasis in Neuroscience. Far enough removed from the harder sciences, but not enough that it may land me in a shack somewhere eating beans out of a can with only a hole cut out because I didn't own a proper can opener (I actually eat beans from the can, they are really good. Especially BUSH's, which I open with a fully functioning can opener). 

I never actually ended up working in the Neuroscience field, but somehow, through some great plan of the universe, I am now using my knowledge in Psychology and Consciousness specifically to write my novel. And I may actually use it in the future...

The moral of the story is this, that if you are meant to be creative in whatever medium, you cannot outrun your true nature. Your soul will scream to be acknowledged. You are who you are. That and you should really eat the beans, they are fantastic. 

Inspiration: The Whispering Ghosts of the Mind

When do the ghosts of ideas appear for you?  Every single morning I live with the protagonist in my book. It always begins as the steam from the shower billows up around me, as if permeating my skin and sending the story straight into my soul. 

That is how her story began almost three years ago, she made her way forcibly into my life. Since then I have been stumbling around intellectually trying to grasp the skills necessary to convey what she tells me in a way that people will want to hear.

 And she always begins her ranting through some connection with water. There is something about when I am around water that compels her to speak to me. Perhaps that is why I took the kids to the pool so many times this summer. I could hardly ever write there, mind you. A few times I would allow my Macbook to accompany me and I would tap away through the happy laughter and shouting of the kids. 

 Most times I would sit watching them with my mind mostly somewhere beyond where they were in a world that was playing out as if in a scene from a movie. I would let that world settle into my bones. It felt right there, almost like an adrenaline rush. Sometimes, I'll admit, I enjoy that world a bit better. 

So I think that is how my life as a writer began. I was looking for something more when I wasn't finding the color and depth that I was craving in certain aspects my life, so this was a way to do it without breaking any social norms. 

This was the way I could be the stay at home mom my husband and I decided that we wanted for our children and I could let the stories play out within my head. It's not easy, sometimes the voices scream imperceptibly at me, unable to accept that I choose my children and husband first and foremost over them. 

They are incredibly pushy. Sometimes they overcome me, and leave me in something like a cold sweat as they come in waves, there is no chance of containing them all. I have to believe, though, that the ones I successfully grasp are the ideas that are meant to remain. Even after they make me believe I am somewhat neurotic, I believe that there is a little bit of madness to any creative endeavor. 

Often I lose the purpose of what the visions and voices are trying to tell me. Somewhere between the shower and the driveline at school, I lose bits and fragments. The atmosphere of the idea, or how one bit made the hair on my arms raise, so I knew it was right. My ideas are like bubbles blown out in wonder by a child, I'm running around trying to catch the one resting precariously on a single blade of grass before it pops. 

No matter the successes and defeats, something inside me tells me to continue on. Though this may be the scenic route, I will arrive soundly and solidly at my destination. As I know writing is the journey. It is the discovery that what people say cannot be done, can in fact be accomplished and can be done with grace and stalwartness. 

When Words Pack a Punch, There are songs that heal

(scroll down to go right to the songs...)

I have always had a bone to pick with the saying, "Sticks and stones may break our bones but names will never hurt us," and one of my other un-favorites, the ever present "Actions speak louder than words"...

What a bunch of malarky, words can hurt, they cut deep and they can damage us forever. 

Words have power. They can mortally wound us and push us to the edge, they have the ability to color our perception of the world and the people around us.

They can cause wars, destruction and create a domino effect on the greater good of human kind. It is especially prominent after someone in the public eye makes an uncaring and unthoughtful comment that has overreaching effects on people. More than we can understand as individuals.

Consider the damage caused when an NFL player on the Eagles team uses a racial slur at a Kenny Chesney concert  over the summer. That comment, spewed out in hate continued it's momentum in the press and proceeded to get in the way of the positive team building that could have been forged instead during that team's pre-season training. It ended up causing further tussles with angered players. It was understandably hard for several of the players to let it go easily. More than that, it was released to the press and we don't know the effect that it had on the public. 

Sometimes people are singled out and attacked in a group dynamic, for instance, bullying.

Now consider a young child, also in the news recently, who took her own life after suffering the biting words of other children online. This child, only 12 years of age, a baby, reacted to her pain by ending it all.

This one especially breaks my heart for the horrendous loss we as a society have been facing over and over again by allowing bullying to continue. There are hoards of people who allow their kids to injure and ridicule others, sometimes even adults. 

Please parent your children. You are their source for learning. Teach them how to treat others. Model for your children. They are looking to you to guide them. Be involved, discipline them if you witness or hear of them hurting others.

Now we have the bigger problem of cyber-bullying to contend with. This is something that we need to address as a society. We have to understand the effect that technology has in shaping our young people. It stunts the building and growth of healthy morals. It's not just the mother who should be mourning the loss of this child. We all should as well–she is the child of all of us.

This is a great article if you would like to read more about facing new technology with our children in mind.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2012/12/24/digital-gap-kids/1788935/

Everyone has been hurt by someone's words every now and again. If you are getting up there in age, I am sure by now you are getting the hang of brushing yourself off, or maybe snide or misdirected comments just run right off you like pond water off a duck's oily feathers.

There are some of us, though who need a little bit of extra help. We are the ultra sensitive souls.

I am most definitely one of those people. I gravitate toward all things touchy-feely, I want to understand people, I want to understand emotions and what makes us tick. I am fascinated by why someone would ever say something hurtful toward another human being. I have been horrified when in the past I have launched out hurtful words in self-defence. These are the topics that haunt my days and nights.

From a young age, I was a cryer...yup... just cried and cried over the smallest most minute things...and I annoyed a heck of a lot of people.

If things were going the wrong way, even right up until college age, when I couldn't cope with something, that emotion would break through the dam I had built to stop it, and it would well up within me, leaving me at a loss for keeping it away.

Now, I feel a better person for having experienced that overwhelming emotional tide, (which still exists from time to time) because I know it like the back of my hand. I am practically an expert at feeling. I know the taste and smell and texture, I know how to hold it just so and keep it at arms length lest it devour my whole being. It is there immediately if I need to access it...weddings, funerals, horrific events in the news...latest chapter of my book...

I have developed ways of dealing with pain when people hurt me. Because I know that my strength comes from within, I like to build that strength up and healing words are my mortar and paste. Especially through music. Music has been an important healing aid for me since I was a middle schooler. And the very most important aspect of using music as a healing tool is to;

1) Listen to the right music.

2) Pay close attention to the words. Do they have an effect on you? Do they speak to your soul? Do they brighten you up or give you hope? I hope it does, I hope it comforts your soul like a warm blanket.

I hope you will listen to a few of my more favorite songs below and really pay attention to the words. I have shared my opinion of the most poignant parts of the songs, the parts that to me-make them stand out. 

So this is my all-time favorite strength building song...Be Still by the Killers. I think the benefit of this song is how it encourages inner strength and belief in yourself. Life isn't easy you have to stir up that inner warrior. We all have that...they just might be sleeping...Wake it up!

"Be Still"

Be still
And go on to bed
Nobody knows what lies ahead
And life is short
To say the least
We're in the belly of the beast
Be still
Wild and young
Long may your innocence reign
Like shells on the shore
And may your limits be unknown
And may your efforts be your own
If you ever feel you can't take it anymore
Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is done

Be still
One day you'll leave
Fearlessness on your sleeve
When you've come back, tell me what did you see
What did you see
Was there something out there for me?

Be still
Close your eyes
Soon enough you'll be on your own
Steady and straight
And if they drag you through the mud
It doesn't change what's in your blood
(Over chains)
When they knock you down

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Be still
Be still
Be still
Be still

Over rock and chain
Over sunset plain
Over trap and snare
When you're in too deep
In your wildest dream
In your made up scheme
When they knock you down
When they knock you down
Don't break character
You've got sooooo much heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Oh Rise up like the sun
And labor till the work is done
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is

Rise up like the sun
And labor till the work is done

This next song is by the Oh Hello's,  great song about being human. It is called, "I have Made Mistakes". Life is about mistakes. It's okay to make them. That is usually how we learn best. No one ever learned anything from being absolutely perfect because no one is perfect! I KNOW! Contrary to popular belief...there may have only been one.

My favorite parts of this one,

"We are not alone in the dark with our demons", 

It relentlessly screams...if you need help, don't be afraid to speak with someone, a friend, a mental health care professional. In this day and age, we are eradicating the stigma attached to seeking out mental health professionals.

And finally from this song, and the larger part of it...

"but nothing is a waste if you learn from it...

...and the sun it does not cause us to grow.

It is the rain that will strengthen your soul

and it will make you whole"

Expect trouble, expect triumph...since you are learning...we always take a step forward, even when we repeat scenarios over and over again. We will learn and we will eventually take another step forward. You've got to trust the journey.

And the last song, to reiterate and oust the mushy people...

"Say (All I need)" by OneRepublic, Dreaming out loud. 

The best part to me, 

"Bless my soul, you're a lonely soul
because you won't let go of anything you hold...

Well all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head". 

Let your pain go, let your insecurities go, whatever is not serving you, let it go!...visualize them taking up physical space, like a sphere of nasty negativity. Place it with care into a balloon and visualize it moving away from your body and burning up in the atmosphere...

Now, it's gone. And on to the business of life...
Don't forget to breathe and soak it up.

To Judge is to Put a Lock on One's Soul

Recent events have forced me to review my life and how I live it. How I treat people and specifically if I judge people. 

We all have expectations of how we should live our own lives. Sometimes we think that others should align themselves to the way we think and feel. 

This is not real life. We are all multi-dimensional. We think and feel so complexly and we all have our own specific dreams and realities. To think that we know others realities and to judge them fairly even if you feel you are close to the person through friendship or family is naive, at best.

It took being judged this way to open my eyes and make me realize that I need to evaluate how I feel about others. That this feeling about them is their face value. They are so much more.

Think about it.

And while you are thinking about it, note the flow of your inner dialogue. How many times do you hear other people as they are thinking something through.  People choose to share information about how they feel with you based on their relationship with you, their comfort level around you and also sometimes out of necessity. 

People's outer appearance and demeanor sometimes may mislead you. You may not know that they suffer from lonliness, 
unhappiness, anxiety or worse. On the contrary you would be surprised when a person's slightly even facial expressions defy the well-adjusted happy person who resides inside. This is the hallmark of the introverted person. 

Sure there are loads of books out there concerning body language and often times you can get a vague reading on someone's mood, their aggressiveness or passivity. Experts have learned that if you take on a certain stance of a person you are conversing with, that you are comfortable with that person. In other words, you are aligning yourselves with them in a sort of copycat comradery.

Despite all of this knowledge you feel you have of a person, and who or what you feel they should be, they are on their own paths. When you judge other people you are diverting insecurities you have about yourself into distaste for another person when it is often more about you and what you are not dealing with.  We need to accept that we have made a mistake and move on. Life is a lesson that we have at our disposal to expand and grow. To learn how to love, then to learn how to love bigger and better. 

Don't think another bad thought about a person again, instead turn that thought into a wish or prayer for happiness to them. You will reap the rewards of good will and you will fill yourself up with lightness and happiness drawing positive and like-minded people to you. True happiness is a like a beacon. Learning to live happy is a lifestyle choice.