We are living in a chaotic world right now. There are things that are going on across the globe that would make even the toughest of us cringe. There are events here at home happening that chill us to the bone. Over the last few decades it has begun to involve our children.
This is a scary concept, and one that needs to be addressed so that we can make changes that are necessary to stop it or at least slow down it’s momentum. Some people out there are knee deep in the helping, our mental health professionals, our school personnel, law enforcement and many other agencies in our society.
But have you ever thought that there are ways that you could be helping people? There are absolutely necessary, yet simple things that you can do personally to help change the world. If not in Afghanistan or Syria, then right here at home, in Colorado, in Greeley and anywhere else you travel to.
This little contribution has far-reaching consequences, more than you could ever imagine. It doesn’t cost you anything, except maybe a little of your light, a veritable speck of your energy that we spend on much more inconsequential pursuits everyday. For instance, staring wonderstruck and often in confusion at reality TV. I can’t even imagine what kind of marks some of this programming can lay on a soul. That is a whole other article.
I’m speaking of a little concept in Psychology that we call, “Unconditional Positive Regard”. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. This term was initially coined by the Psychotherapist, Carl Rogers, who is described as “the single most influential psychotherapist of the past-quarter century” here,
In a nutshell, Unconditional Positive Regard posits that Mental Health Professionals should give their clients the utmost respect and equality in their regard, no matter what the client says or does.
Why can’t we transfer the goodwill of this approach into the sphere of our everyday lives? Let’s be honest here, the amount of money that our government is able to procure for the mental health community to access is meager, at best. It is not enough for the need. The necessity for more funding is at a critical level. We all know it, those of us who do not have our heads in the sand.
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Considering that the majority of us are not trained to help these individuals who are in need, you may be asking how you are supposed to help in this seemingly monstrous problem which has no easy answers. The answer to that is very simple, you can help by sharing part of your heart.
Here are some things we can begin to do that I believe will certainly change our society, in a world that has become increasingly interpersonal rather than communal;
1) Smile at people
This is so easy to do, at first it may seem awkward, but you will eventually get the hang of it. You have no idea how much this tiny act can effect a person who may be bullied, feeling like no one cares, someone who may have just lost someone they care deeply about, or someone who has lost hope.
Also of great importance, you may have helped someone out who is well adjusted, and you have invigorated, energized and refreshed them, so that they can share more of their light with others. They can keep the proverbial ball rolling.
2) Make eye contact when you smile
This lets people know that yes, you are looking at them, that they are important to you, that they matter.
We are all one people. We should care no matter if we look the same, walk the same, talk the same, or are the same age.
One caveat is that making eye contact may not work with individuals with autism. That is something that is extremely difficult for them to engage in. This will become apparent to you. And it is OK. Never force it.
3) Be respectful everywhere you go
Care about people and include small acts of kindness in your daily life.
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For instance, you can take the cart into Target to cut down on the backbreaking work the attendants have to engage in. You are going in anyway. You will probably even be using a cart. You could put an item back once you decide you don’t want it. You could refrain from leaving your empty coffee cup on one of the shelves.
4) Be courteous to others while driving
Use your turn signal, since it was invented to be used when driving your car for a reason. Don’t cut people off intentionally, let people in when you get the chance. Stop talking on the phone when you drive and good heavens, please do not text while driving.
5) If you are having a conversation with someone ask them about their lives, don't dominate the conversation
Compliment them in some way.
This can be hard to do when you have a lot on your mind or you are excited about something in your life. I have caught myself a lot of times, however, I continue to try to make this a priority when chatting with people.
6) When someone strikes up a conversation with you, or smiles at you and you do not know them, please acknowledge their existence
This can be the ultimate last straw for someone who may be losing their faith in humanity if they are ignored.
They just gave you a big boost for your day if you allow it. They may have gone out of their comfort zone, or they may give a big piece of themselves, their energy, to others all day long and this is the highest form of generosity they can give to you, a stranger. They don’t know you, yet they are caring about your well-being, they are loving you unconditionally. Don’t ignore them hoping they didn’t notice you caught it. You were looking right at them... Give them the respect they deserve. Don’t be “too cool” to engage with them, loving people is cooler.
Though it is not just about smiling at people and listening to them, Psychology Today explains;
“What it means is that you respect the person as a human being with agency to choose how to respond to their situation and that no matter how dangerous or dysfunctional they seem to be they are doing their best.”
That being said, we can aid in helping to mend our society by how we treat others. Carl Rogers just planted a seed in my heart. It’s true, it may be harder for some of us. There are people out there that have more practice at it. There are people out there who are difficult to deal with. However, it is integral that we get out of this bubble we are in, saving all of our regard for our tight inner circle, or people who we approve of. Instead, we need to spread it out everywhere we go, don’t hoard the love! There is a little song you may be familiar with, “This little light of mine”? Let’s put that song into action. Let’s love one another.
The most important part, if you can do it, is that your children, and other children around you are watching. Children model our behavior, and you are giving them a future full of people who care about others. You just did your part.
